CPS - crock of sh*t
Hi readers, Nickie again. I thought it was about time I let you know of my dealings with the CPS after suffering a form of abuse at the hands of my step-father. It’s a long and complicated story as to how I ended up with a step-father in the first place so I shall simply say that like most I had a Mum and a Dad, said Mum and Dad had a bit of a penchant for “swinging”. Mummy and Daddy eventually met with another couple and what ensued were divorces and remarriages of retrospective parents.
Initially my younger brother and I, we were 4 and 3 at the time, were to live with my step-mother and my dad as well as her son, my step-brother. This continued for some seven years with many an evening spent watching my father beat the living crap out of my step-mother, God rest her soul. After my father had an affair when I was just 11 we were given a choice as to whether we stay with my step-mother or move back to live with my mother.
As an eleven year old child who only saw her mother every 8 weeks and loved her dearly there was no choice, one I to this day regret, and off we went to live with my mother leaving my step-brother at home with my step-mother. To this day I remember my step-mother’s words as I left her for the last time - “watch xxxx he is a dirty bastard” - at 11 I thought she meant he didnt wash!
Things were ok for a couple of years, I had a good relationship with my mother and even quite liked my step-father - until I started puberty - along with that, apart from the usual growth of pubic hair and periods came an unhealthy interest from my step-father.
This went on for 2 years and as it continued I rebelled more and more until the day I screamed at my mother “I cannot stay here any longer with xxxx trying to get in my pants any longer”. Her response to this was to pin me to the bed and batter me until I couldnt breathe whilst screaming “You dirty little slag, stand up in court and say that!”. After expelling all her energy she stood up and went to call my father. I remember thinking that was it, it’s all over, my Dad, my hero will be here to save me soon. I can relate to the passage in Joe’s book where he says “he felt a weight was lifted”.
Within an hour my Dad was at the house and I could here him walking up the stairs and remember feeling immense relief; it was short lived. He came into my room, I was expecting hugs, love, assurance - it wasn’t what I got - he told me to remove my trousers and underwear and belted me with his belts until I had welts across my arse.
Needless to say not long after I left home - I have no relationship with my parents and have been branded a liar. It has affected my relationship with men, well not so much now but from the age of 13 until I was 18 I slept with men because I believed it would make them love me.
Anyway at the age of 33 I decided that it was about time I proved I wasnt a liar and called the police. I gave them my diary, was interviewed for over nine hours, had to describe in detail my bedroom, the living room, in fact all rooms of my old home where the abuse took place and then it was all in the hands of the police and the CPS who would decide if they would prosecute.
The case was dropped due to “insufficient witness statements” - the man who made my teenage years hell still lives with my mother, still has a relationship with my half brother, still has the respect of my father whilst I sit on the side lines branded a liar and a vindictive bitch.
Answer me this, what paedophile says “Here mate I about to try and shag my teenage step-daughter - could you watch so you can be a witness for the prosecution when I get done for this”? Like I have said to my father in a conversation recently - there were only two people involved in the situation between xxxx and I - he isn’t ever going to say “Yes, I tried to screw your daughter” is he?
The CPS failed me on many levels, the system fails children on many levels and we as a society need to make some serious changes.
If the readers of this page have ever questioned why I support Joe heart and soul then maybe now you will understand.
September 14th, 2008 at 1:22 am
i read so many stories that grip my very core, n i wish that i have the determination to tell mine as is, yet, i feel even now in my 30’s to protect, not my story, but those who are innocent in my story, those who did not know to tell and those who now would do anything to change the past.
yes, i am, apparently a victim. i went thro, adoption, racisum,domestic violence, rape and abuse,a murder,even watched a plane crash in scarborough beach, back in the day,and my own misfortune of picking the sterityped boyfriend,
but do you know what all this has taught me??
Mine is not the only story to b told, mine is not the worsed by far, but do you know what is? its the story that it still goes on, even today,there kids out there sufering +he ppl who are meant to help, are the ones that are abusing ther trust!
I feel, and believ as many before me have done, that the only way too show todays society, is to be true, throwthe facts in there faces, the same faces that can not deal with the truth, that unless there is somewhere for these childern to turn to, without judgemant, nothihng will change. if that means that a million ppl like me have to tell theres to stop another, then i will tell mine.a million times over!
i am a mum, of 3 beautiful kids, n i will do everything in my ability to prevent this world from becoming ignorant. its the future i raise my kids to be part of!!
i am,what i would like to say,i am a surviver, whatever that means im meecause life has made me that way. and im not a bad person by far.! lol
i am who i am because……
i know no different……
i love my kids n would kill before ne one ever…….
i am who i am, a mum, plain n simple, 1st n fore most, and u know what, i would tell on the world if it meant my kids, n yours, grow up in an aware n safe society, would’nt you???
sorry bout typin errors,
i just want to do what i can, it, to me would make what ive gone thro, mean atlestsomething.
FULL STOP…… only it never is, which is why WE need to change that!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
September 14th, 2008 at 1:47 am
i have tired to post her b4, to no avial. my pc skills i guess?
i have read so many stories that touch my inner core, n dispite my own story, do u know what sickens me the most?
that we still live in a blind society, we can tell our stories hopeing that maybe this one will do the trick, n that our journey will be the one that, told will save others. i soooooo wish that were true.
i hope to have the determination to tell mine in the same hope, but i fear that unless we as society open our blind, ignorant eyes n face reality then nothing will change.
i will tell mine a million times over for just one child, because i raisechildren, and i long for that day that there society is a safe one.
i am engulfed by my own story, and as i learn my path of birth (adoptee) i learn of abuse, where do i turn?
not to the past of what i can not change, but that of the furture, the one i raise my kids in, the one that all my tears are worth sharing if it will do ne good?
I wont be a satistic, i wont b a victim, but i will b who i am, i will say **** ****! lol
it has to change n its about time that things did. surly we a ppl who know thogether can help that happen? surly we can teach the ignorant? surly we can make our tears count???
well i live in hope, n will do what i can to make my story a better one for my kids to tell!
xxx
June 9th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I am so shocked to hear of your stories and just finished Joe Peters books. I was sexually, mentally and physically abused by my father. My earliest memory was when i was 7 years old, and this was full penetration. The sad thing is my father went to prison many years ago for breaking into a house through the window where a 15 year old girl was asleep, my dad then got into the bed with his trousers down and tried to kiss her. He was sentenced for 18 months and was a risk to me and my brother at the time. The social workers where about, and i was only 4 years old. Yet, the social must have agreed to believe it was now safe for us to live with our dad after his time in prison. Ridiculous, as they fail to notice they he was controlling us, brainwashing my mother and beat us constantly. If they had recognized my dad to be an absolute evil man then maybe i wouldn’t have had horrific childhood.
I still believe to this day though that God should have saved me. As i prayed for his help nearly every night.
No one should ever have to go through any abuse. I believe all abusers should be hanged.
I will live on though in happiness.
June 10th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Im only young too and i have also been thrown abuse not as bad as joes or this lady, but i was sexualy assulted when i was a young girl by my grandad and even today saying it i feel disgusted, i kept it quit for many years but one day just came out with it, i felt better and i felt like i never have to see the **** again, after i told my family all of the little things that i had done over the yeares stared to click together, like when i was only 5 and i was screaming on the ebd not wanting to go but no one understood why i didnt! but i dnt blame anyone but that one man … i am very sad couse i dnt ever get to see my nan anymore because i went to the police and she chose his side which for many years i resented but in a way i understand why she did. Im a very happy and have a wonderfull life away from all that now so i do kinder unstand how you feel x