I got up at 6:00am today to face another day of writing a few more chapters of the second book, its seems to go on and on, the things I got up to when I ran away is madness; looking back now I wonder why I made so many mistakes hence why I called this post Regrets, I have a few. Every door that I came across was locked and sufferring volience at the hands of those that were supposed to help.

I am stuck on my next chapter;  how to continue? It isnt the fact that I have what is know as writers block, on the contrary, there is so much madness I just don’t know where to draw the line or continue on; my disbelief is why my dysfunctional behaviour was so bloody crazy.

I feel as if having a criminal record has ruined my life and this saddens me; if only I could just turn the back the hands of time. How many times we have all said this, we all have made mistakes although I have probably made more than the average person.

The title of this post says it all; “Regrets, I have a few” but when I look back at my behaviour during my time in London and try to analyse it all I realise that it was all frustration and anger. My actions where a way of trying to express these feelings and unlike most teenagers I hadn’t been given the tools for life that most loving mothers pass onto their children throughout their childhood.

Sometimes I feel intense anger towards my abusers and consider how my life would have been had I come from a “normal” family or had my beloved father still been alive and then other times I know that all that happened to me has shaped me to the man I am today. Regrets, I have a few is so apt but by the same token I have the love of my family and this continues to keep me strong and focused.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 1st, 2008 at 11:34 am and is filed under Joes Diary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.